I’ve spent a lot of time trying to figure out what meditation is supposed to feel like.
Or even what I’m supposed to feel like.
I would find myself asking the question – Am I doing it??
Meditation is kind of weird like that. In concept, it is simplistic in nature but in reality, it’s complicated in practice.
Like when you were a kid on a road trip – are we there yet?
When I sit down to meditate, I go through my recipe as a way to arrive within in my practice. The first few minutes (really no clue how long I spend here) are about settling in and this is probably the hardest part of the practice. I have intention, but I also have a mind that is going like an overactive twitter feed:
What do else do I have to get done today?
What do I have to do at work?
Ugh, So-And-So bothered me so much when they did XYZ.
GAH! Why am sitting here doing nothing when I have to do ABC!
Should I be exercising and burning calories instead right now?
You get the idea.
Here is where I’m the kid in the back seat – when are we going to get there?
And then the twitter feed starts to slow down. I start to process and cleanse out the chirping twitter-birds. It’s here where I begin to take up my form, truly within my edges. I can feel my breath and focus on it. I can sink into the comfort of my body.
Here is where it all melts. The time, the destination and the judgement. What is left is space. Slow, open, undefined space. A twitter-bird-thought may pop in but it melts away pretty softly without taking away this cozy space.
Some days are better than others. Some days you sit and take what you can get, compassionately accepting your practice however it went and realize that you’re building up your meditation-muscle even if you only lasted two minutes. Hey, you’re meditation muscle worked out more than zero minutes right?
Other days you relish in the bliss of space and say ‘I got this’.
It’s called a practice for a reason. I don’t want to be a buzz kill, but this is my 2nd year of practicing and I am finally craving meditation as opposed to considering it something to get through because I should.
Keep at and be kind to yourself. Two minutes here and there will add up and you’ll get there. It’s a constant journey and it all matters.
Meditate & be well.