My recent ass-kicking move abroad has taught me a thing or two (or one-hundred) about connection.
I left a wonderful (wonderful) network of friends behind and moved to a country, city and company where I didn’t know anyone. And I didn’t know the language but that’s another post all on its own.
To go from a body, heart and mind full of connection to a body, heart and mind with no connection has been the hardest aspect of this move. Absolutely, completely, without question for realz. Realz. My reactions have gone from ‘this sucks’, to ‘this is kind of boring’ to ‘AHHHHH!!’ to ‘HELP!! Really! I need HELP!”
For the last eight months, I have basically oscillated round and round through these reactions.
This emotional rollercoaster has actually been a raw, face-the-music journey to realizing that there is nobody here but me.
Nobody but real-deal-me (RDM).
I have a point here, an actual learning. A big-ass learning.
Just like you need to connect with others (because we are tribal), we need to connect with ourselves. This is what meditation does. It is a way to connect with our true-self (RDM), by going within the edges of our form. It’s here where we find our true-selves.
Meditation is the practice of connecting with your true-self.
When is the last time you had a heart-to-heart with your RDM? Not the ‘self’ you think you should be. Not the ‘self’ you try to be. Not the ‘self’ that you think everyone else sees.
Your true self. The one inside the edges. The real deal. Your real-deal-me.
My RDM has been buried pretty deep. I could not hear a thing from her. All I heard was the noise of who I thought she should be. The noise from trying to make her something she was not.
This noise was deafening.
The farther away RDM was, the less I connected with her, the more I suffered.
The learning is that meditation gives you a way to connect and listen to the real you. The real-deal you.
Jack Kornfield articulately says ‘Deep meditation can untangle the sense of identity.’
It has taken me a long time, and a big-ass-kicking to hear and find RDM. I couldn’t here her until there was nobody else.
And there was nobody else in Germany. Just her – the RDM.
Someone I am very grateful I met here (in Germany) said ‘Life tells you. You just have to listen.’
I love that. I’ve known that. That’s why this blog is called My Meditation Journey.
Maybe I needed this move to be so hard so I HAD to hear RDM. Stripping it all away so all that was left was RDM.
And this is what meditation has brought me. A way to connect with and listen to RDM.
The more I am with RDM, the better things are. They’re not perfect. But they are better.
Meditate & be well.